Q: Is Google male or female? A: Female, because it doesn't let you finish a sentence before making a suggestion.
Boss and employee
Boss: Do you believe in life after death? Employee: No, because there is no proof of it. Boss: Well there is now ! Employee: How? Boss: When you left yesterday saying that you have to go to your uncle's funeral, your uncle came here looking for you after you left
Q: How does Albus get into Hogwarts? A: Through the Dumble-door.
Snowman and vampire
What do get if you cross a Snowman with a Vampire? Frostbite.
Q: Why is Santa Claus' sack so big? A: He only comes once a year.
I asked a Chinese girl for her number. She said, "Sex! Sex! Sex! Free sex tonight!" I said, "Wow!" Then her friend said, "She means 666-3629."
Cath the train
A man asks a farmer near a field, “Sorry sir, would you mind if I crossed your field instead of going around it? You see, I have to catch the 4:23 train.” The farmer says, “Sure, go right ahead. And if my bull sees you, you’ll even catch the 4:11 one."
Q: What is a mummy's favorite type of music? A: Wrap!