Turtle falls down on head
Your momma is so fat when she got on the scale it said, "I need your weight not your phone number."
Guys on the roof
On the roof of a very tall building are four men; one is asian, one is mexican, one is black, and the last one is white. The asian walks to the ledge and says, "This is for all my people" and jumps off the roof. Next, the mexican walks to the ledge and also says, "This is for all my people" and then he jumps off the roof. Next is the black guy's turn. The black guy walks to the ledge and says, "This is for all my people" and then throws the white guy off the roof.
Q: How does Albus get into Hogwarts? A: Through the Dumble-door.
Can a kangaroo jump higher than a house? Of course, a house doesn’t jump at all.
Q: What does a skeleton order at a restaurant? A: Spare ribs!
Why is Santa Claus so jolly? Because he knows where all the naughty girls live.
What is the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman? Snowballs.
What is a Mexican's favorite sport? Cross-country.