Mad Robin Williams
Pee in the shower
Q: Who cares if you pee in the shower? A: The bride and all her guests, apparently.
A teacher asked her students to use the word "beans" in a sentence. "My father grows beans," said one girl. "My mother cooks beans," said a boy. A third student spoke up, "We are all human beans."
Q: Why did the skeleton cross the road? A: To get to the body shop.
Can a kangaroo jump higher than a house? Of course, a house doesn’t jump at all.
Your momma is so fat when she got on the scale it said, "I need your weight not your phone number."
Q: Can February march? A: No, but April may.
How were people born
A child asked his father, "How were people born?" So his father said, "Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on." The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, "We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now." The child ran back to his father and said, "You lied to me!" His father replied, "No, your mom was talking about her side of the family."
Q: Is Google male or female? A: Female, because it doesn't let you finish a sentence before making a suggestion.