Santa claus with bag full of presents
MY WIFE AND I ARE REALLY IN SYNC
If my wife has too much to drink at a party, starts yapping a little too much, I don't have to say anything... three little leg squeezes, she knows that means 'Put a sock in it, drunkie, time for you to wrap it up.' Somebody didn't have dinner like I suggested, now you're spouting off at the mouth divulging all the family secrets. You need to pipe down or we've got to f**king leave.
Boss and employee
Boss: Do you believe in life after death? Employee: No, because there is no proof of it. Boss: Well there is now ! Employee: How? Boss: When you left yesterday saying that you have to go to your uncle's funeral, your uncle came here looking for you after you left
Q: Why did Adele cross the road? A: To sing, "Hello from the other side!"
Q: What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it? A: Envelope.
Don´t be racist
Don't be racist; racism is a crime; and crime is for black people.
Your momma is so fat when she got on the scale it said, "I need your weight not your phone number."
A 3 years old boy sits near a pregnant woman. Boy: Why do you look so fat? Pregnant woman: I have a baby inside me. Boy: Is it a good baby? Pregnant woman: Yes, it is a very good baby. Boy: Then why did you eat it?!
Yo momma's so stupid, she put two quarters in her ears and thought she was listening to 50 Cent.