Santa ringing with bells
Pee in the shower
Q: Who cares if you pee in the shower? A: The bride and all her guests, apparently.
I just read a book about Helium. It was so good that I can't put it down.
Your momma is so fat when she got on the scale it said, "I need your weight not your phone number."
What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? Claustrophobic.
A little kids sends a letter to Santa that says: "Dear Santa I want a brother for Christmas." Santa writes back, "Dear Timmy send me me your mommy."
Value of pi
Teacher: What is the value of Pi? Student: Depending on what pie. Usually is $12.99
A guy believed that his wife is cheating on him, so he hired a private investigator. The cheapest he could find was a Chinese man. This was the Chinese PI's report about what he found: "Most honorable, sir. You leave house. I watch house. He come to house. I watch. He and she leave house. I follow. He and she go in hotel. I climb tree. I look in window. He kiss she. He strip she. She strip he. He play with she. She play with he. I play with me. I fall out tree. I not see. No fee. Cheng Lee."
Q: Why is Santa Claus' sack so big? A: He only comes once a year.