Man shaking the hand
What is the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman? Snowballs.
Q: How does Albus get into Hogwarts? A: Through the Dumble-door.
Kid 1: "Hey, I bet you're still a virgin." Kid 2: "Yeah, I was a virgin until last night ." Kid 1: "As if." Kid 2: "Yeah, just ask your sister." Kid 1: "I don't have a sister." Kid 2: "You will in about nine months."
Mother: "How was school today, Patrick?" Patrick: "It was really great mum! Today we made explosives!" Mother: "Ooh, they do very fancy stuff with you these days. And what will you do at school tomorrow?" Patrick: "What school?"
What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? Claustrophobic.
Tears in eyes
My friend told me he gets tears in his eyes whenever his partner makes tender love to him. At first I thought he was an overemotional sissy, then I remembered: He's still in prison
Pee in the shower
Q: Who cares if you pee in the shower? A: The bride and all her guests, apparently.
Elves in school
Q: What do elves learn in school? Q: What do elves learn in school? A: The Elfabet.