Crazy woman with laptop
Q: Can February march? A: No, but April may.
Q: Why did the skeleton cross the road? A: To get to the body shop.
Why isn't the turkey hungry at Thanksgiving? Because he's already stuffed!
"Mom, where do tampons go?" "Where the babies come from, darling." "In the stork?"
How is Christmas like your job? You do all the work and the fat guy in the suit gets all the credit.
Ghosts as liars
Q: Why are ghosts bad liars? A: You can see right through them.
Teacher and students
Teacher: "Kids, what does the chicken give you?" Student: "Meat!" Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?" Student: "Bacon!" Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?" Student: "Homework!"
If athletes get athletes foot, what do astronauts get? Missletoe!