Red angry cartoon figure
Snowman and vampire
What do get if you cross a Snowman with a Vampire? Frostbite.
Yo momma's so stupid, she put two quarters in her ears and thought she was listening to 50 Cent.
Ghosts as liars
Q: Why are ghosts bad liars? A: You can see right through them.
MY WIFE AND I ARE REALLY IN SYNC
If my wife has too much to drink at a party, starts yapping a little too much, I don't have to say anything... three little leg squeezes, she knows that means 'Put a sock in it, drunkie, time for you to wrap it up.' Somebody didn't have dinner like I suggested, now you're spouting off at the mouth divulging all the family secrets. You need to pipe down or we've got to f**king leave.
Cath the train
A man asks a farmer near a field, “Sorry sir, would you mind if I crossed your field instead of going around it? You see, I have to catch the 4:23 train.” The farmer says, “Sure, go right ahead. And if my bull sees you, you’ll even catch the 4:11 one."
Can a kangaroo jump higher than a house? Of course, a house doesn’t jump at all.
What is the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman? Snowballs.
Tiger Woods vs Santa
Q: What is the difference between Tiger Woods and Santa Claus? A: Santa stops after three hos.