Girl knows how to do it
Your momma is so short, when she went to meet Santa he said, "Go back to work!"
How is Christmas like your job? You do all the work and the fat guy in the suit gets all the credit.
Q: Why do hamburgers go to the gym A: To get better buns!
Your momma is so fat when she got on the scale it said, "I need your weight not your phone number."
Q: How does Albus get into Hogwarts? A: Through the Dumble-door.
Can a kangaroo jump higher than a house? Of course, a house doesn’t jump at all.
A little kid was out trick-or-treating on Halloween dressed as a pirate. He rang a house's doorbell and the door was opened by a lady. "Oh, how cute! A little pirate! And where are your buccaneers?" she asked. The boy replied, "Under my buckin' hat."
Cath the train
A man asks a farmer near a field, “Sorry sir, would you mind if I crossed your field instead of going around it? You see, I have to catch the 4:23 train.” The farmer says, “Sure, go right ahead. And if my bull sees you, you’ll even catch the 4:11 one."