Bored baby reading the book
Your momma is so fat when she got on the scale it said, "I need your weight not your phone number."
Q: What do cheap hotels and designer jeans have in common? A: No ballroom.
A teacher asked her students to use the word "beans" in a sentence. "My father grows beans," said one girl. "My mother cooks beans," said a boy. A third student spoke up, "We are all human beans."
Your momma is so short, when she went to meet Santa he said, "Go back to work!"
Lost in desert
A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette were all lost in the desert. They found a lamp and rubbed it. A genie popped out and granted them each one wish. The redhead wished to be back home. Poof! She was back home. The brunette wished to be at home with her family. Poof! She was back home with her family. The blonde said, "Awwww, I wish my friends were here."
Yo momma's so stupid, she put two quarters in her ears and thought she was listening to 50 Cent.
Boss and employee
Boss: Do you believe in life after death? Employee: No, because there is no proof of it. Boss: Well there is now ! Employee: How? Boss: When you left yesterday saying that you have to go to your uncle's funeral, your uncle came here looking for you after you left
Why isn't the turkey hungry at Thanksgiving? Because he's already stuffed!