BORED SIMON COWELL

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Bored Simon Cowell

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New jokes

A BLONDE & HER THERMOS
A blonde notices that her coworker has a thermos, so she asks him what it's for. He responds, "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold." The blonde immediately buys one for herself. The next day, she goes to work and proudly displays it. Her coworker asks, "What do you have in it?" She replies, "Soup and ice cream."

Stupid momma
Your momma is so stupid when I told her Christmas is right around the corner she went looking for it.

Santas sack
Q: Why is Santa Claus' sack so big? A: He only comes once a year.

Snowman snowwoman
What is the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman? Snowballs.

Snowman and vampire
What do get if you cross a Snowman with a Vampire? Frostbite.

Unhappy day
There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for a half hour. Then a big trouble making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, & just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry." "No, it's not that," the man replies, wiping his tears, "This day is the worst of my life. First, I oversleep & I go in late to my office. My outraged boss fires me. When I leave the building to go to my car, I find out it was stolen. The police say they can do nothing. I get a cab to go home, & when I get out, I remember I left my wallet. The cab driver just drives away. I go inside my house where I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave my home, come to this bar, & just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up & drink my poison."

DonĀ“t be racist
Don't be racist; racism is a crime; and crime is for black people.

Christmas
How is Christmas like your job? You do all the work and the fat guy in the suit gets all the credit.