Bored grandpa in the cinema
Q: Why is Santa Claus' sack so big? A: He only comes once a year.
Q: What do cheap hotels and designer jeans have in common? A: No ballroom.
Where do babies come from
A mother is in the kitchen making dinner for her family when her daughter walks in. “Mother, where do babies come from?” The mother thinks for a few seconds and says, “Well dear, Mommy and Daddy fall in love and get married. One night they go into their bedroom, they kiss and hug, and have sex.” The daughter looks puzzled so the mother continues, “That means the daddy puts his penis in the mommy’s vagina. That’s how you get a baby, honey.” The child seems to comprehend. “Oh, I see, but the other night when I came into your room you had daddy’s penis in your mouth. What do you get when you do that?” “Jewelry, my dear. Jewelry.”
Elves in school
Q: What do elves learn in school? Q: What do elves learn in school? A: The Elfabet.
Tiger Woods vs Santa
Q: What is the difference between Tiger Woods and Santa Claus? A: Santa stops after three hos.
If athletes get athletes foot, what do astronauts get? Missletoe!
Your momma is so short, when she went to meet Santa he said, "Go back to work!"
Q: Why did the skeleton cross the road? A: To get to the body shop.