Woman wants to vomit
Mother: "How was school today, Patrick?" Patrick: "It was really great mum! Today we made explosives!" Mother: "Ooh, they do very fancy stuff with you these days. And what will you do at school tomorrow?" Patrick: "What school?"
What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? Claustrophobic.
Pee in the shower
Q: Who cares if you pee in the shower? A: The bride and all her guests, apparently.
Snowman and vampire
What do get if you cross a Snowman with a Vampire? Frostbite.
Q: What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it? A: Envelope.
Q: What is a mummy's favorite type of music? A: Wrap!
Teacher and students
Teacher: "Kids, what does the chicken give you?" Student: "Meat!" Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?" Student: "Bacon!" Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?" Student: "Homework!"
Q: What do cheap hotels and designer jeans have in common? A: No ballroom.