Q: How does Albus get into Hogwarts? A: Through the Dumble-door.
What is the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman? Snowballs.
I just read a book about Helium. It was so good that I can't put it down.
Your momma is so stupid when I told her Christmas is right around the corner she went looking for it.
Q: Why did Adele cross the road? A: To sing, "Hello from the other side!"
Tears in eyes
My friend told me he gets tears in his eyes whenever his partner makes tender love to him. At first I thought he was an overemotional sissy, then I remembered: He's still in prison
Boss and employee
Boss: Do you believe in life after death? Employee: No, because there is no proof of it. Boss: Well there is now ! Employee: How? Boss: When you left yesterday saying that you have to go to your uncle's funeral, your uncle came here looking for you after you left
Mother: "How was school today, Patrick?" Patrick: "It was really great mum! Today we made explosives!" Mother: "Ooh, they do very fancy stuff with you these days. And what will you do at school tomorrow?" Patrick: "What school?"