Dog is yawning
Pee in the shower
Q: Who cares if you pee in the shower? A: The bride and all her guests, apparently.
Tears in eyes
My friend told me he gets tears in his eyes whenever his partner makes tender love to him. At first I thought he was an overemotional sissy, then I remembered: He's still in prison
Why isn't the turkey hungry at Thanksgiving? Because he's already stuffed!
What is the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman? Snowballs.
Q: Why is Santa Claus' sack so big? A: He only comes once a year.
A BLONDE & HER THERMOS
A blonde notices that her coworker has a thermos, so she asks him what it's for. He responds, "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold." The blonde immediately buys one for herself. The next day, she goes to work and proudly displays it. Her coworker asks, "What do you have in it?" She replies, "Soup and ice cream."
Your momma is so stupid when I told her Christmas is right around the corner she went looking for it.
A little kids sends a letter to Santa that says: "Dear Santa I want a brother for Christmas." Santa writes back, "Dear Timmy send me me your mommy."