Pee in the shower
Q: Who cares if you pee in the shower? A: The bride and all her guests, apparently.
I'm so in love with my boyfriend right now. Everything is perfect, but we want totally different things in bed. Like, he's always turning the lights on, you know what I'm saying? And I shut them off, and he turns them on, and the other day, he's like, 'Amy, why are you so shy? You know, you have a beautiful body.' I was like, 'Oh my god, you're so cute. You think I don't want you to see me?'
How were people born
A child asked his father, "How were people born?" So his father said, "Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on." The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, "We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now." The child ran back to his father and said, "You lied to me!" His father replied, "No, your mom was talking about her side of the family."
What is the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman? Snowballs.
Q: Why did Adele cross the road? A: To sing, "Hello from the other side!"
If athletes get athletes foot, what do astronauts get? Missletoe!
Q: What does a skeleton order at a restaurant? A: Spare ribs!
Q: Why do hamburgers go to the gym A: To get better buns!