Baby elephant takes shower
Man vs priest
Man to his priest: “Yesterday I sinned with an 18 year old girl.” The priest: “Squeeze 18 lemons and drink the juice all at once.” Man: “And that frees me from my sin?” Priest: “No, but it frees your face from that dirty grin.
Your momma is so fat when she got on the scale it said, "I need your weight not your phone number."
A 3 years old boy sits near a pregnant woman. Boy: Why do you look so fat? Pregnant woman: I have a baby inside me. Boy: Is it a good baby? Pregnant woman: Yes, it is a very good baby. Boy: Then why did you eat it?!
If athletes get athletes foot, what do astronauts get? Missletoe!
Q: Can February march? A: No, but April may.
Pee in the shower
Q: Who cares if you pee in the shower? A: The bride and all her guests, apparently.
Teacher and students
Teacher: "Kids, what does the chicken give you?" Student: "Meat!" Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?" Student: "Bacon!" Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?" Student: "Homework!"
Why isn't the turkey hungry at Thanksgiving? Because he's already stuffed!