Ferret is sleeping
Q: Why did Adele cross the road? A: To sing, "Hello from the other side!"
Q: What do cheap hotels and designer jeans have in common? A: No ballroom.
Can a kangaroo jump higher than a house? Of course, a house doesn’t jump at all.
Elves in school
Q: What do elves learn in school? Q: What do elves learn in school? A: The Elfabet.
Q: How does Albus get into Hogwarts? A: Through the Dumble-door.
Don´t be racist
Don't be racist; racism is a crime; and crime is for black people.
Guys on the roof
On the roof of a very tall building are four men; one is asian, one is mexican, one is black, and the last one is white. The asian walks to the ledge and says, "This is for all my people" and jumps off the roof. Next, the mexican walks to the ledge and also says, "This is for all my people" and then he jumps off the roof. Next is the black guy's turn. The black guy walks to the ledge and says, "This is for all my people" and then throws the white guy off the roof.
MY WIFE AND I ARE REALLY IN SYNC
If my wife has too much to drink at a party, starts yapping a little too much, I don't have to say anything... three little leg squeezes, she knows that means 'Put a sock in it, drunkie, time for you to wrap it up.' Somebody didn't have dinner like I suggested, now you're spouting off at the mouth divulging all the family secrets. You need to pipe down or we've got to f**king leave.