Excited Brad Pitt
Kid 1: "Hey, I bet you're still a virgin." Kid 2: "Yeah, I was a virgin until last night ." Kid 1: "As if." Kid 2: "Yeah, just ask your sister." Kid 1: "I don't have a sister." Kid 2: "You will in about nine months."
Your momma is so fat when she got on the scale it said, "I need your weight not your phone number."
I just read a book about Helium. It was so good that I can't put it down.
Q: Why did Adele cross the road? A: To sing, "Hello from the other side!"
Q: What does a skeleton order at a restaurant? A: Spare ribs!
A guy believed that his wife is cheating on him, so he hired a private investigator. The cheapest he could find was a Chinese man. This was the Chinese PI's report about what he found: "Most honorable, sir. You leave house. I watch house. He come to house. I watch. He and she leave house. I follow. He and she go in hotel. I climb tree. I look in window. He kiss she. He strip she. She strip he. He play with she. She play with he. I play with me. I fall out tree. I not see. No fee. Cheng Lee."
Tears in eyes
My friend told me he gets tears in his eyes whenever his partner makes tender love to him. At first I thought he was an overemotional sissy, then I remembered: He's still in prison
Yo momma's so stupid, she put two quarters in her ears and thought she was listening to 50 Cent.