I'm so in love with my boyfriend right now. Everything is perfect, but we want totally different things in bed. Like, he's always turning the lights on, you know what I'm saying? And I shut them off, and he turns them on, and the other day, he's like, 'Amy, why are you so shy? You know, you have a beautiful body.' I was like, 'Oh my god, you're so cute. You think I don't want you to see me?'
If athletes get athletes foot, what do astronauts get? Missletoe!
Kid 1: "Hey, I bet you're still a virgin." Kid 2: "Yeah, I was a virgin until last night ." Kid 1: "As if." Kid 2: "Yeah, just ask your sister." Kid 1: "I don't have a sister." Kid 2: "You will in about nine months."
Q: What do cheap hotels and designer jeans have in common? A: No ballroom.
Q: Can February march? A: No, but April may.
Your momma is so short, when she went to meet Santa he said, "Go back to work!"
Q: Is Google male or female? A: Female, because it doesn't let you finish a sentence before making a suggestion.
Tiger Woods vs Santa
Q: What is the difference between Tiger Woods and Santa Claus? A: Santa stops after three hos.