Lion and baby
What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? Claustrophobic.
Q: Is Google male or female? A: Female, because it doesn't let you finish a sentence before making a suggestion.
Teacher and students
Teacher: "Kids, what does the chicken give you?" Student: "Meat!" Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?" Student: "Bacon!" Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?" Student: "Homework!"
Yo momma is so stupid when an intruder broke into her house, she ran downstairs, dialed 9-1-1 on the microwave, and couldn't find the "CALL" button.
Why is Santa Claus so jolly? Because he knows where all the naughty girls live.
Tears in eyes
My friend told me he gets tears in his eyes whenever his partner makes tender love to him. At first I thought he was an overemotional sissy, then I remembered: He's still in prison
What is a Mexican's favorite sport? Cross-country.
Pee in the shower
Q: Who cares if you pee in the shower? A: The bride and all her guests, apparently.