What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? Claustrophobic.
Yo momma's so stupid, she put two quarters in her ears and thought she was listening to 50 Cent.
Snowman and vampire
What do get if you cross a Snowman with a Vampire? Frostbite.
Q: What is a mummy's favorite type of music? A: Wrap!
How were people born
A child asked his father, "How were people born?" So his father said, "Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on." The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, "We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now." The child ran back to his father and said, "You lied to me!" His father replied, "No, your mom was talking about her side of the family."
"Mom, where do tampons go?" "Where the babies come from, darling." "In the stork?"
Your momma is so fat when she got on the scale it said, "I need your weight not your phone number."
Can a kangaroo jump higher than a house? Of course, a house doesn’t jump at all.