Tears in eyes
My friend told me he gets tears in his eyes whenever his partner makes tender love to him. At first I thought he was an overemotional sissy, then I remembered: He's still in prison
Your momma is so fat when she got on the scale it said, "I need your weight not your phone number."
Teacher and students
Teacher: "Kids, what does the chicken give you?" Student: "Meat!" Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?" Student: "Bacon!" Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?" Student: "Homework!"
Why is Santa Claus so jolly? Because he knows where all the naughty girls live.
Cath the train
A man asks a farmer near a field, “Sorry sir, would you mind if I crossed your field instead of going around it? You see, I have to catch the 4:23 train.” The farmer says, “Sure, go right ahead. And if my bull sees you, you’ll even catch the 4:11 one."
Q: What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it? A: Envelope.
Yo momma's so stupid, she put two quarters in her ears and thought she was listening to 50 Cent.
Elves in school
Q: What do elves learn in school? Q: What do elves learn in school? A: The Elfabet.