I just read a book about Helium. It was so good that I can't put it down.
Why is Santa Claus so jolly? Because he knows where all the naughty girls live.
Q: What is a mummy's favorite type of music? A: Wrap!
Tears in eyes
My friend told me he gets tears in his eyes whenever his partner makes tender love to him. At first I thought he was an overemotional sissy, then I remembered: He's still in prison
What is the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman? Snowballs.
Lost in desert
A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette were all lost in the desert. They found a lamp and rubbed it. A genie popped out and granted them each one wish. The redhead wished to be back home. Poof! She was back home. The brunette wished to be at home with her family. Poof! She was back home with her family. The blonde said, "Awwww, I wish my friends were here."
Kid 1: "Hey, I bet you're still a virgin." Kid 2: "Yeah, I was a virgin until last night ." Kid 1: "As if." Kid 2: "Yeah, just ask your sister." Kid 1: "I don't have a sister." Kid 2: "You will in about nine months."
Value of pi
Teacher: What is the value of Pi? Student: Depending on what pie. Usually is $12.99