Seal with sunglasses
Pee in the shower
Q: Who cares if you pee in the shower? A: The bride and all her guests, apparently.
I just read a book about Helium. It was so good that I can't put it down.
Q: Why did the skeleton cross the road? A: To get to the body shop.
Q: Why did the witches' team lose the baseball game? A: Their bats flew away.
What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? Claustrophobic.
Mother: "How was school today, Patrick?" Patrick: "It was really great mum! Today we made explosives!" Mother: "Ooh, they do very fancy stuff with you these days. And what will you do at school tomorrow?" Patrick: "What school?"
Q: What do cheap hotels and designer jeans have in common? A: No ballroom.
Yo momma is so stupid when an intruder broke into her house, she ran downstairs, dialed 9-1-1 on the microwave, and couldn't find the "CALL" button.