BORED CAT

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Metronome

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New jokes

Witches
Q: Why did the witches' team lose the baseball game? A: Their bats flew away.

Boss and employee
Boss: Do you believe in life after death? Employee: No, because there is no proof of it. Boss: Well there is now ! Employee: How? Boss: When you left yesterday saying that you have to go to your uncle's funeral, your uncle came here looking for you after you left

Fat momma
Your momma is so fat when she got on the scale it said, "I need your weight not your phone number."

Mummy´s music
Q: What is a mummy's favorite type of music? A: Wrap!

Snowman snowwoman
What is the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman? Snowballs.

Hamburgers
Q: Why do hamburgers go to the gym A: To get better buns!

Helium
I just read a book about Helium. It was so good that I can't put it down.

Microwave oven
Yo momma is so stupid when an intruder broke into her house, she ran downstairs, dialed 9-1-1 on the microwave, and couldn't find the "CALL" button.