BORED CAT

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Metronome

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New jokes

Kangaroo
Can a kangaroo jump higher than a house? Of course, a house doesn’t jump at all.

Microwave oven
Yo momma is so stupid when an intruder broke into her house, she ran downstairs, dialed 9-1-1 on the microwave, and couldn't find the "CALL" button.

Helium
I just read a book about Helium. It was so good that I can't put it down.

Santas sack
Q: Why is Santa Claus' sack so big? A: He only comes once a year.

Lost in desert
A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette were all lost in the desert. They found a lamp and rubbed it. A genie popped out and granted them each one wish. The redhead wished to be back home. Poof! She was back home. The brunette wished to be at home with her family. Poof! She was back home with her family. The blonde said, "Awwww, I wish my friends were here."

Pee in the shower
Q: Who cares if you pee in the shower? A: The bride and all her guests, apparently.

Kids conversation
Kid 1: "Hey, I bet you're still a virgin." Kid 2: "Yeah, I was a virgin until last night ." Kid 1: "As if." Kid 2: "Yeah, just ask your sister." Kid 1: "I don't have a sister." Kid 2: "You will in about nine months."

Mummy´s music
Q: What is a mummy's favorite type of music? A: Wrap!