Tiger Woods vs Santa
Q: What is the difference between Tiger Woods and Santa Claus? A: Santa stops after three hos.
Why isn't the turkey hungry at Thanksgiving? Because he's already stuffed!
Your momma is so short, when she went to meet Santa he said, "Go back to work!"
Why is Santa Claus so jolly? Because he knows where all the naughty girls live.
How is Christmas like your job? You do all the work and the fat guy in the suit gets all the credit.
A teacher asked her students to use the word "beans" in a sentence. "My father grows beans," said one girl. "My mother cooks beans," said a boy. A third student spoke up, "We are all human beans."
Q: How does Albus get into Hogwarts? A: Through the Dumble-door.
I just read a book about Helium. It was so good that I can't put it down.