Child is playing with cat
I'm so in love with my boyfriend right now. Everything is perfect, but we want totally different things in bed. Like, he's always turning the lights on, you know what I'm saying? And I shut them off, and he turns them on, and the other day, he's like, 'Amy, why are you so shy? You know, you have a beautiful body.' I was like, 'Oh my god, you're so cute. You think I don't want you to see me?'
Q: Why do hamburgers go to the gym A: To get better buns!
Q: Why did the skeleton cross the road? A: To get to the body shop.
Q: How does Albus get into Hogwarts? A: Through the Dumble-door.
Q: What is a mummy's favorite type of music? A: Wrap!
What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? Claustrophobic.
Q: Is Google male or female? A: Female, because it doesn't let you finish a sentence before making a suggestion.
Q: What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it? A: Envelope.