Q: Can February march? A: No, but April may.
A 3 years old boy sits near a pregnant woman. Boy: Why do you look so fat? Pregnant woman: I have a baby inside me. Boy: Is it a good baby? Pregnant woman: Yes, it is a very good baby. Boy: Then why did you eat it?!
Q: Is Google male or female? A: Female, because it doesn't let you finish a sentence before making a suggestion.
If athletes get athletes foot, what do astronauts get? Missletoe!
A teacher asked her students to use the word "beans" in a sentence. "My father grows beans," said one girl. "My mother cooks beans," said a boy. A third student spoke up, "We are all human beans."
Teacher and students
Teacher: "Kids, what does the chicken give you?" Student: "Meat!" Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?" Student: "Bacon!" Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?" Student: "Homework!"
Q: What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it? A: Envelope.
What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? Claustrophobic.