Car in the ice
A little kids sends a letter to Santa that says: "Dear Santa I want a brother for Christmas." Santa writes back, "Dear Timmy send me me your mommy."
Tears in eyes
My friend told me he gets tears in his eyes whenever his partner makes tender love to him. At first I thought he was an overemotional sissy, then I remembered: He's still in prison
Q: What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it? A: Envelope.
Q: Why do hamburgers go to the gym A: To get better buns!
Boss and employee
Boss: Do you believe in life after death? Employee: No, because there is no proof of it. Boss: Well there is now ! Employee: How? Boss: When you left yesterday saying that you have to go to your uncle's funeral, your uncle came here looking for you after you left
Q: Why did the skeleton cross the road? A: To get to the body shop.
Q: Can February march? A: No, but April may.
Your momma is so stupid when I told her Christmas is right around the corner she went looking for it.