Ironing the shirt
Value of pi
Teacher: What is the value of Pi? Student: Depending on what pie. Usually is $12.99
Your momma is so stupid when I told her Christmas is right around the corner she went looking for it.
Why isn't the turkey hungry at Thanksgiving? Because he's already stuffed!
I just read a book about Helium. It was so good that I can't put it down.
Woman in the mirror
A woman looks in the mirror and says I look fat and then asks her husband to give her a compliment he says ok you have perfect eye sight.
Q: Why do hamburgers go to the gym A: To get better buns!
How is Christmas like your job? You do all the work and the fat guy in the suit gets all the credit.
Q: Why is Santa Claus' sack so big? A: He only comes once a year.