Dance like no one is watching
Tiger Woods vs Santa
Q: What is the difference between Tiger Woods and Santa Claus? A: Santa stops after three hos.
Q: Can February march? A: No, but April may.
Q: Why is Santa Claus' sack so big? A: He only comes once a year.
Q: What is a mummy's favorite type of music? A: Wrap!
Boss and employee
Boss: Do you believe in life after death? Employee: No, because there is no proof of it. Boss: Well there is now ! Employee: How? Boss: When you left yesterday saying that you have to go to your uncle's funeral, your uncle came here looking for you after you left
I asked a Chinese girl for her number. She said, "Sex! Sex! Sex! Free sex tonight!" I said, "Wow!" Then her friend said, "She means 666-3629."
If athletes get athletes foot, what do astronauts get? Missletoe!
Q: How does Albus get into Hogwarts? A: Through the Dumble-door.