Your momma is so fat when she got on the scale it said, "I need your weight not your phone number."
Pee in the shower
Q: Who cares if you pee in the shower? A: The bride and all her guests, apparently.
A teacher asked her students to use the word "beans" in a sentence. "My father grows beans," said one girl. "My mother cooks beans," said a boy. A third student spoke up, "We are all human beans."
Q: What is a mummy's favorite type of music? A: Wrap!
Your momma is so stupid when I told her Christmas is right around the corner she went looking for it.
Tears in eyes
My friend told me he gets tears in his eyes whenever his partner makes tender love to him. At first I thought he was an overemotional sissy, then I remembered: He's still in prison
How is Christmas like your job? You do all the work and the fat guy in the suit gets all the credit.
Q: What do cheap hotels and designer jeans have in common? A: No ballroom.