Razor blade in excel sheet
Lost in desert
A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette were all lost in the desert. They found a lamp and rubbed it. A genie popped out and granted them each one wish. The redhead wished to be back home. Poof! She was back home. The brunette wished to be at home with her family. Poof! She was back home with her family. The blonde said, "Awwww, I wish my friends were here."
Kid 1: "Hey, I bet you're still a virgin." Kid 2: "Yeah, I was a virgin until last night ." Kid 1: "As if." Kid 2: "Yeah, just ask your sister." Kid 1: "I don't have a sister." Kid 2: "You will in about nine months."
Pee in the shower
Q: Who cares if you pee in the shower? A: The bride and all her guests, apparently.
Why is Santa Claus so jolly? Because he knows where all the naughty girls live.
Q: Why did Adele cross the road? A: To sing, "Hello from the other side!"
"Mom, where do tampons go?" "Where the babies come from, darling." "In the stork?"
Your momma is so stupid when I told her Christmas is right around the corner she went looking for it.
Your momma is so fat when she got on the scale it said, "I need your weight not your phone number."