Drinking the water
Q: Why did Adele cross the road? A: To sing, "Hello from the other side!"
Yo momma is so stupid when an intruder broke into her house, she ran downstairs, dialed 9-1-1 on the microwave, and couldn't find the "CALL" button.
What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? Claustrophobic.
Q: What do cheap hotels and designer jeans have in common? A: No ballroom.
Q: Can February march? A: No, but April may.
Pee in the shower
Q: Who cares if you pee in the shower? A: The bride and all her guests, apparently.
Guys on the roof
On the roof of a very tall building are four men; one is asian, one is mexican, one is black, and the last one is white. The asian walks to the ledge and says, "This is for all my people" and jumps off the roof. Next, the mexican walks to the ledge and also says, "This is for all my people" and then he jumps off the roof. Next is the black guy's turn. The black guy walks to the ledge and says, "This is for all my people" and then throws the white guy off the roof.
Snowman and vampire
What do get if you cross a Snowman with a Vampire? Frostbite.