No batteries no problem cucumber
Q: Is Google male or female? A: Female, because it doesn't let you finish a sentence before making a suggestion.
MY WIFE AND I ARE REALLY IN SYNC
If my wife has too much to drink at a party, starts yapping a little too much, I don't have to say anything... three little leg squeezes, she knows that means 'Put a sock in it, drunkie, time for you to wrap it up.' Somebody didn't have dinner like I suggested, now you're spouting off at the mouth divulging all the family secrets. You need to pipe down or we've got to f**king leave.
Ghosts as liars
Q: Why are ghosts bad liars? A: You can see right through them.
I asked a Chinese girl for her number. She said, "Sex! Sex! Sex! Free sex tonight!" I said, "Wow!" Then her friend said, "She means 666-3629."
Q: What do cheap hotels and designer jeans have in common? A: No ballroom.
Kid 1: "Hey, I bet you're still a virgin." Kid 2: "Yeah, I was a virgin until last night ." Kid 1: "As if." Kid 2: "Yeah, just ask your sister." Kid 1: "I don't have a sister." Kid 2: "You will in about nine months."
Q: Why is Santa Claus' sack so big? A: He only comes once a year.
Q: Why did the skeleton cross the road? A: To get to the body shop.