Parrot vs grenade
Q: Why do hamburgers go to the gym A: To get better buns!
Ghosts as liars
Q: Why are ghosts bad liars? A: You can see right through them.
I'm so in love with my boyfriend right now. Everything is perfect, but we want totally different things in bed. Like, he's always turning the lights on, you know what I'm saying? And I shut them off, and he turns them on, and the other day, he's like, 'Amy, why are you so shy? You know, you have a beautiful body.' I was like, 'Oh my god, you're so cute. You think I don't want you to see me?'
Why isn't the turkey hungry at Thanksgiving? Because he's already stuffed!
If athletes get athletes foot, what do astronauts get? Missletoe!
Q: Why is Santa Claus' sack so big? A: He only comes once a year.
What is the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman? Snowballs.
What is a Mexican's favorite sport? Cross-country.