How were people born
A child asked his father, "How were people born?" So his father said, "Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on." The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, "We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now." The child ran back to his father and said, "You lied to me!" His father replied, "No, your mom was talking about her side of the family."
How is Christmas like your job? You do all the work and the fat guy in the suit gets all the credit.
I just read a book about Helium. It was so good that I can't put it down.
Q: What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it? A: Envelope.
Q: Why did Adele cross the road? A: To sing, "Hello from the other side!"
Mother: "How was school today, Patrick?" Patrick: "It was really great mum! Today we made explosives!" Mother: "Ooh, they do very fancy stuff with you these days. And what will you do at school tomorrow?" Patrick: "What school?"
Q: Why do hamburgers go to the gym A: To get better buns!
What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? Claustrophobic.