Divorce papers wedding dress
Your momma is so fat when she got on the scale it said, "I need your weight not your phone number."
I'm so in love with my boyfriend right now. Everything is perfect, but we want totally different things in bed. Like, he's always turning the lights on, you know what I'm saying? And I shut them off, and he turns them on, and the other day, he's like, 'Amy, why are you so shy? You know, you have a beautiful body.' I was like, 'Oh my god, you're so cute. You think I don't want you to see me?'
Why isn't the turkey hungry at Thanksgiving? Because he's already stuffed!
Q: What does a skeleton order at a restaurant? A: Spare ribs!
Tiger Woods vs Santa
Q: What is the difference between Tiger Woods and Santa Claus? A: Santa stops after three hos.
What is a Mexican's favorite sport? Cross-country.
Q: What is a mummy's favorite type of music? A: Wrap!
Q: How does Albus get into Hogwarts? A: Through the Dumble-door.