Model vs real woman
If athletes get athletes foot, what do astronauts get? Missletoe!
Where do babies come from
A mother is in the kitchen making dinner for her family when her daughter walks in. “Mother, where do babies come from?” The mother thinks for a few seconds and says, “Well dear, Mommy and Daddy fall in love and get married. One night they go into their bedroom, they kiss and hug, and have sex.” The daughter looks puzzled so the mother continues, “That means the daddy puts his penis in the mommy’s vagina. That’s how you get a baby, honey.” The child seems to comprehend. “Oh, I see, but the other night when I came into your room you had daddy’s penis in your mouth. What do you get when you do that?” “Jewelry, my dear. Jewelry.”
Q: What do cheap hotels and designer jeans have in common? A: No ballroom.
Q: What is a mummy's favorite type of music? A: Wrap!
Q: Why did Adele cross the road? A: To sing, "Hello from the other side!"
Yo momma is so stupid when an intruder broke into her house, she ran downstairs, dialed 9-1-1 on the microwave, and couldn't find the "CALL" button.
Q: Is Google male or female? A: Female, because it doesn't let you finish a sentence before making a suggestion.
Value of pi
Teacher: What is the value of Pi? Student: Depending on what pie. Usually is $12.99