Mother: "How was school today, Patrick?" Patrick: "It was really great mum! Today we made explosives!" Mother: "Ooh, they do very fancy stuff with you these days. And what will you do at school tomorrow?" Patrick: "What school?"
Q: Is Google male or female? A: Female, because it doesn't let you finish a sentence before making a suggestion.
Your momma is so short, when she went to meet Santa he said, "Go back to work!"
I'm so in love with my boyfriend right now. Everything is perfect, but we want totally different things in bed. Like, he's always turning the lights on, you know what I'm saying? And I shut them off, and he turns them on, and the other day, he's like, 'Amy, why are you so shy? You know, you have a beautiful body.' I was like, 'Oh my god, you're so cute. You think I don't want you to see me?'
Ghosts as liars
Q: Why are ghosts bad liars? A: You can see right through them.
Value of pi
Teacher: What is the value of Pi? Student: Depending on what pie. Usually is $12.99
"Mom, where do tampons go?" "Where the babies come from, darling." "In the stork?"
What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? Claustrophobic.