Find the difference
Why isn't the turkey hungry at Thanksgiving? Because he's already stuffed!
A man was driving and saw a truck stalled on the side of the highway that had ten penguins standing next to it. The man pulled over and asked the truck driver if he needed any help. The truck driver replied, "If you can take these penguins to the zoo while I wait for AAA that will be great!" The man agreed and the penguins hopped into the back of his car. Two hours later, the trucker was back on the road again and decided to check on the penguins. He showed up at the zoo and they weren't there! He headed back into his truck and started driving around the town, looking for any sign of the penguins, the man, or his car. While driving past a movie theater, the truck driver spotted the guy walking out with the ten penguins. The truck driver yelled, "What are you doing? You were supposed to take them to the zoo!" The man replied, "I did and then I had some extra money so I took them to go see a movie."
Your momma is so fat when she got on the scale it said, "I need your weight not your phone number."
Q: Why did Adele cross the road? A: To sing, "Hello from the other side!"
Yo momma's so stupid, she put two quarters in her ears and thought she was listening to 50 Cent.
Q: Is Google male or female? A: Female, because it doesn't let you finish a sentence before making a suggestion.
A little kid was out trick-or-treating on Halloween dressed as a pirate. He rang a house's doorbell and the door was opened by a lady. "Oh, how cute! A little pirate! And where are your buccaneers?" she asked. The boy replied, "Under my buckin' hat."
Q: Why do hamburgers go to the gym A: To get better buns!