Why isn't the turkey hungry at Thanksgiving? Because he's already stuffed!
Don´t be racist
Don't be racist; racism is a crime; and crime is for black people.
Q: Why did Adele cross the road? A: To sing, "Hello from the other side!"
Kid 1: "Hey, I bet you're still a virgin." Kid 2: "Yeah, I was a virgin until last night ." Kid 1: "As if." Kid 2: "Yeah, just ask your sister." Kid 1: "I don't have a sister." Kid 2: "You will in about nine months."
What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? Claustrophobic.
Bug in soup
A boy asks his father, "Dad, are bugs good to eat?" "That's disgusting. Don't talk about things like that over dinner," the dad replies. After dinner the father asks, "Now, son, what did you want to ask me?" "Oh, nothing," the boy says. "There was a bug in your soup, but now it’s gone."
If athletes get athletes foot, what do astronauts get? Missletoe!
Tears in eyes
My friend told me he gets tears in his eyes whenever his partner makes tender love to him. At first I thought he was an overemotional sissy, then I remembered: He's still in prison