There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for a half hour. Then a big trouble making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, & just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry." "No, it's not that," the man replies, wiping his tears, "This day is the worst of my life. First, I oversleep & I go in late to my office. My outraged boss fires me. When I leave the building to go to my car, I find out it was stolen. The police say they can do nothing. I get a cab to go home, & when I get out, I remember I left my wallet. The cab driver just drives away. I go inside my house where I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave my home, come to this bar, & just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up & drink my poison."
I just read a book about Helium. It was so good that I can't put it down.
What is the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman? Snowballs.
Your momma is so stupid when I told her Christmas is right around the corner she went looking for it.
A little kids sends a letter to Santa that says: "Dear Santa I want a brother for Christmas." Santa writes back, "Dear Timmy send me me your mommy."
Q: Why did the skeleton cross the road? A: To get to the body shop.
Snowman and vampire
What do get if you cross a Snowman with a Vampire? Frostbite.
Ghosts as liars
Q: Why are ghosts bad liars? A: You can see right through them.