OPENING BOTTLE

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Opening bottle

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New jokes

Tiger Woods vs Santa
Q: What is the difference between Tiger Woods and Santa Claus? A: Santa stops after three hos.

Woman in the mirror
A woman looks in the mirror and says I look fat and then asks her husband to give her a compliment he says ok you have perfect eye sight.

Skeleton order
Q: What does a skeleton order at a restaurant? A: Spare ribs!

Stupid momma
Your momma is so stupid when I told her Christmas is right around the corner she went looking for it.

Cheap hotels
Q: What do cheap hotels and designer jeans have in common? A: No ballroom.

Claustrophobic
What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? Claustrophobic.

LIGHTS OFF
I'm so in love with my boyfriend right now. Everything is perfect, but we want totally different things in bed. Like, he's always turning the lights on, you know what I'm saying? And I shut them off, and he turns them on, and the other day, he's like, 'Amy, why are you so shy? You know, you have a beautiful body.' I was like, 'Oh my god, you're so cute. You think I don't want you to see me?'

Boss and employee
Boss: Do you believe in life after death? Employee: No, because there is no proof of it. Boss: Well there is now ! Employee: How? Boss: When you left yesterday saying that you have to go to your uncle's funeral, your uncle came here looking for you after you left