OPENING BOTTLE

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Opening bottle

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New jokes

Tiger Woods vs Santa
Q: What is the difference between Tiger Woods and Santa Claus? A: Santa stops after three hos.

Tampons
"Mom, where do tampons go?" "Where the babies come from, darling." "In the stork?"

Harry Potter
Q: How does Albus get into Hogwarts? A: Through the Dumble-door.

Athletes
If athletes get athletes foot, what do astronauts get? Missletoe!

Google
Q: Is Google male or female? A: Female, because it doesn't let you finish a sentence before making a suggestion.

Santas sack
Q: Why is Santa Claus' sack so big? A: He only comes once a year.

Ghosts as liars
Q: Why are ghosts bad liars? A: You can see right through them.

Cats exercise
Teacher: "If I gave you 2 cats and another 2 cats and another 2, how many would you have?" Johnny: "Seven." Teacher: "No, listen carefully... If I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?" Johnny: "Seven." Teacher: "Let me put it to you differently. If I gave you two apples, and another two apples and another two, how many would you have?" Johnny: "Six." Teacher: "Good. Now if I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?" Johnny: "Seven!" Teacher: "Johnny, where in the heck do you get seven from?!" Johnny: "Because I've already got a freaking cat!"