Q: Why did Adele cross the road? A: To sing, "Hello from the other side!"
Your momma is so short, when she went to meet Santa he said, "Go back to work!"
How is Christmas like your job? You do all the work and the fat guy in the suit gets all the credit.
Woman in the mirror
A woman looks in the mirror and says I look fat and then asks her husband to give her a compliment he says ok you have perfect eye sight.
Can a kangaroo jump higher than a house? Of course, a house doesn’t jump at all.
A guy believed that his wife is cheating on him, so he hired a private investigator. The cheapest he could find was a Chinese man. This was the Chinese PI's report about what he found: "Most honorable, sir. You leave house. I watch house. He come to house. I watch. He and she leave house. I follow. He and she go in hotel. I climb tree. I look in window. He kiss she. He strip she. She strip he. He play with she. She play with he. I play with me. I fall out tree. I not see. No fee. Cheng Lee."
Q: Why do hamburgers go to the gym A: To get better buns!
A little kids sends a letter to Santa that says: "Dear Santa I want a brother for Christmas." Santa writes back, "Dear Timmy send me me your mommy."