Funny tattoo about ass
Teacher: "If I gave you 2 cats and another 2 cats and another 2, how many would you have?" Johnny: "Seven." Teacher: "No, listen carefully... If I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?" Johnny: "Seven." Teacher: "Let me put it to you differently. If I gave you two apples, and another two apples and another two, how many would you have?" Johnny: "Six." Teacher: "Good. Now if I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?" Johnny: "Seven!" Teacher: "Johnny, where in the heck do you get seven from?!" Johnny: "Because I've already got a freaking cat!"
Tears in eyes
My friend told me he gets tears in his eyes whenever his partner makes tender love to him. At first I thought he was an overemotional sissy, then I remembered: He's still in prison
Q: What does a skeleton order at a restaurant? A: Spare ribs!
Q: What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it? A: Envelope.
What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? Claustrophobic.
Why is Santa Claus so jolly? Because he knows where all the naughty girls live.
Your momma is so stupid when I told her Christmas is right around the corner she went looking for it.
Q: Why do hamburgers go to the gym A: To get better buns!