Working the pole
Your momma is so fat when she got on the scale it said, "I need your weight not your phone number."
Tiger Woods vs Santa
Q: What is the difference between Tiger Woods and Santa Claus? A: Santa stops after three hos.
Yo momma's so stupid, she put two quarters in her ears and thought she was listening to 50 Cent.
I'm so in love with my boyfriend right now. Everything is perfect, but we want totally different things in bed. Like, he's always turning the lights on, you know what I'm saying? And I shut them off, and he turns them on, and the other day, he's like, 'Amy, why are you so shy? You know, you have a beautiful body.' I was like, 'Oh my god, you're so cute. You think I don't want you to see me?'
Why is Santa Claus so jolly? Because he knows where all the naughty girls live.
Your momma is so short, when she went to meet Santa he said, "Go back to work!"
Q: Why did the witches' team lose the baseball game? A: Their bats flew away.
Why isn't the turkey hungry at Thanksgiving? Because he's already stuffed!