Working the pole
I just read a book about Helium. It was so good that I can't put it down.
Your momma is so fat when she got on the scale it said, "I need your weight not your phone number."
Pee in the shower
Q: Who cares if you pee in the shower? A: The bride and all her guests, apparently.
How were people born
A child asked his father, "How were people born?" So his father said, "Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on." The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, "We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now." The child ran back to his father and said, "You lied to me!" His father replied, "No, your mom was talking about her side of the family."
Teacher and students
Teacher: "Kids, what does the chicken give you?" Student: "Meat!" Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?" Student: "Bacon!" Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?" Student: "Homework!"
Your momma is so short, when she went to meet Santa he said, "Go back to work!"
Ghosts as liars
Q: Why are ghosts bad liars? A: You can see right through them.
Yo momma is so stupid when an intruder broke into her house, she ran downstairs, dialed 9-1-1 on the microwave, and couldn't find the "CALL" button.