Sad dog wants to play
Q: What is a mummy's favorite type of music? A: Wrap!
Boss and employee
Boss: Do you believe in life after death? Employee: No, because there is no proof of it. Boss: Well there is now ! Employee: How? Boss: When you left yesterday saying that you have to go to your uncle's funeral, your uncle came here looking for you after you left
Q: Is Google male or female? A: Female, because it doesn't let you finish a sentence before making a suggestion.
Q: What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it? A: Envelope.
Pee in the shower
Q: Who cares if you pee in the shower? A: The bride and all her guests, apparently.
Q: Why did the skeleton cross the road? A: To get to the body shop.
I'm so in love with my boyfriend right now. Everything is perfect, but we want totally different things in bed. Like, he's always turning the lights on, you know what I'm saying? And I shut them off, and he turns them on, and the other day, he's like, 'Amy, why are you so shy? You know, you have a beautiful body.' I was like, 'Oh my god, you're so cute. You think I don't want you to see me?'
Elves in school
Q: What do elves learn in school? Q: What do elves learn in school? A: The Elfabet.