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New jokes

Cheap hotels
Q: What do cheap hotels and designer jeans have in common? A: No ballroom.

Months
Q: Can February march? A: No, but April may.

Athletes
If athletes get athletes foot, what do astronauts get? Missletoe!

School
Mother: "How was school today, Patrick?" Patrick: "It was really great mum! Today we made explosives!" Mother: "Ooh, they do very fancy stuff with you these days. And what will you do at school tomorrow?" Patrick: "What school?"

Christmas
How is Christmas like your job? You do all the work and the fat guy in the suit gets all the credit.

Hamburgers
Q: Why do hamburgers go to the gym A: To get better buns!

Birthday
Why did I get divorced? Well, last week was my birthday. My wife didn't wish me a happy birthday. My parents forgot and so did my kids. I went to work and even my colleagues didn't wish me a happy birthday. As I entered my office, my secretary said, "Happy birthday, boss!" I felt so special. She asked me out for lunch. After lunch, she invited me to her apartment. We went there and she said, "Do you mind if I go into the bedroom for a minute?" "Okay," I said. She came out 5 minutes later with a birthday cake, my wife, my parents, my kids, my friends, & my colleagues all yelling, "SURPRISE!!!" while I was waiting on the sofa... naked.

Harry Potter
Q: How does Albus get into Hogwarts? A: Through the Dumble-door.